Have you been trying for 6 months and still not pregnant? What should you do next?
So you’ve been trying to get pregnant for six months and all that keeps happening is negative pregnancy tests. If just have fun and keep trying hasn’t been the answer to your fertility journey, then you’ve come to the right place. So let’s get started with today’s video. My name is Dr. Marc Sklar, also known as The Fertility Expert and welcome to Fertility TV, your YouTube channel dedicated to helping you get pregnant. I’ve been working with couples for over 18 years through my online programs and right here in sunny, San Diego at both of my clinics, and I’ve seen it all, which is why I created this channel to help you get pregnant faster.
Oh, but before we jump into this week’s topic, I just want to let you all know that my Hope Fertility Coaching Program is open for enrollment. And if you want more support on your fertility journey, you’ve been trying for six months or more, and you need a little bit more guidance and customization to your fertility plan, then I want to invite you to apply, to join all the other women and couples who have joined me and my team in my Hope Fertility Coaching Program. All you have to do is use the link in the description below to apply.
Okay, so if you’ve been trying for six months or a little bit more and things haven’t been working out the way you had planned, then the place I want you to start is actually with last week’s video. So last week’s video is about all the things that you should be doing to support your body preconception before you start trying. And there’s tons of valuable information there, and that’s where I want you to get started. So I want you to check out this video right here, which is last week’s video before you watch this one, and then you’ll come back to this one.
Okay. So for those who’ve already watched last week’s video, or you just watched it and just came back, let’s get in to the details of this video. Okay. So step number one or point number one is I want you and your partner to be on the same page. I want you guys to have a meaningful conversation about some key points that will invariably come up on your fertility journey.
So the first one is timing. That’s right, timing. Well, what do you mean about timing? Well all sorts of things is what I mean about timing. The first thing that I want to point out when it comes to timing is how frequently should you be having intercourse, and how is that going to happen in the given time of a week or a month’s frame? So first and foremost, when you are in your fertility window, timing is really key. We want to make sure that we’re having regular intercourse around ovulation, which means before, during and after, and making sure that it’s not too much or too little. So what’s not too much, and what’s not too little? The key sweet spot for having intercourse in a given fertile window is every other day. So if you ovulate on day 14, then we want to start on day 9 or 10, and we’re going to go every other day through day 16. So for about a week, you’re going to have intercourse every other day.
I know for some of you that could be really exciting because you can be having a lot of intercourse. And for others, it can be a little bit daunting. Like, oh my God, we have to have sex that many times in a given week. Well, so timing doesn’t mean that one person has to initiate each one of those. Okay, timing means that we’re both going to take responsibility for the frequency of intercourse. That’s right. So maybe the choice that you’re going to have, and the conversation that you’re going to have in your household is, well, I’ll initiate the first time. Then you initiate the second time and so forth and you guys go back and forth. Maybe the conversation is, is I initiate the first half of the week. You initiate the second half of the week and whoever initiates intercourse, the other person can’t say no. That’s an important rule here.
We know that you both are on the same page. And if you both are on the same page and want to have children, that means that you both have to do your part. And that means you both have to step up to the plate when it’s time, when ovulation is happening and it’s time to conceive. And so we all have to do our part. Yes, that can be exhausting and also difficult mentally and emotionally. But I do think some of these tips about switching off, who’s going to initiate and who’s not, is also going to help that situation.
The other part of timing is time of day. I know that for many of you, some of you would prefer to have intercourse, you’re more aroused in the morning. And some of you are more aroused in the afternoon or evening. Some of you need different environments, making it exciting. I want you both to have those conversations. I understand they’re not always easy conversations because we make ourselves vulnerable, but for the health of your relationship and the ease of trying to conceive, I think it’s a really important thing that often does not get discussed or brought up until there’s a lot of frustration and difficulty around it. So make it easier for yourself. Start that conversation now.
The other part of timing is what are you both comfortable with? How long are you both comfortable trying naturally before you seek out help and assistance? What does that help look like? What are you both comfortable in terms of who are you comfortable talking to? Who are you comfortable seeking out assistance from? OB-GYN, natural fertility coaches like myself, fertility doctors who run IVF clinics. What are you both comfortable with? And who are you comfortable talking to? And in what order are you comfortable moving through those different individuals or clinics?
And then also around this timing thing, which is not really a timing, but I’m going to group it into this category is what treatments are you comfortable with? Are you comfortable just trying naturally? Are you okay doing IVF? Are you okay doing insemination, IUI? Are you okay with donor of any kind? These are conversations that are really important to have and really important for you to have before you’re put into those situations because it’s more difficult to make those decisions later on when things are more emotional, things have become more difficult, you’re more frustrated and irritable, maybe with each other, maybe with the process. So I always encourage that you have those conversations before.
In full disclosure, my wife and I had those conversations before. One, because this is the world I live in and this is what I see. But also I wanted to make sure that we were both on the same page, that we both understood what each one was comfortable with. How far were we willing to go? Where did we see this going? And when were we going to make these changes? So we were fortunate to be able to conceive after six months of trying, but that’s not always the case. And I promise you having these conversations right now are going to be so much easier to have with each other than when both of you are emotionally charged in the future. It doesn’t mean that your decisions can’t change. We all can have differing opinions and we all are entitled to change our minds.
That is an okay thing to do. We get more indication, we learn more, we learn more about our bodies, we learn more about each other and what we’re comfortable with, and it’s okay to start in one place and over time, end up in a different place. There’s nothing wrong with that because you’ve learned more. But it’s important to know where you are today and have that conversation today, even though you are entitled to change your mind in the future.
The second point that I want to bring up in this conversation, when we’re talking about that you’ve been trying for six months or more, the likelihood that the conversation about using medication, doing insemination or doing IVF is about to come up if it hasn’t already in some form or another. And the reason for that is because this conversation, IVF and IUI has become so commonplace in our culture and society today.
Now I’m not here to say that there’s anything wrong with any one of those therapies. What I am here to say is if you’ve just been trying for 6 or 12 months and you haven’t really dug a little bit deeper to find answers, then my feeling and belief is that you’ve gone in that direction too soon. I see so many couples go to IUI or IVF prematurely because they just think that’s the only next step in the process. And if you know you’ve got a preexisting condition, if you’ve been evaluated and told this is really the only option that you have, then maybe that is the case. But even if that is your situation, I’m going to ask you to get a second opinion so that you can at least see if that is correct. I encourage you to get that second opinion from someone who has a different perspective on the process.
So if you get your first opinion on that from an OB-GYN or REI, reproductive endocrinologist, who works in IVF, then maybe you need to speak to someone like myself, who’s a natural fertility expert who can guide you and give you a different perspective on the same situation. That’s important. Okay. That’s important. I truly see it all the time. So many of you go and do IVF or IUI. You do three, four, five cycles, whatever it is. And then you seek out my assistance or somebody like me for support to see what’s going on. When my feeling and true belief is that that should happen in reverse. Often we move in that direction, but we don’t know why we’re having difficulty. We don’t understand what the root issues are. And I think at this stage when you’ve been trying for 6 months or 12 months, or you’re just about to get started in the fertility world and down that process, I believe that you should start looking for the root causes of why you’re put in this situation and then spend some time addressing those root issues.
And often I see that you will conceive once you’ve done that. Or if you do need to go to IUI or IVF, that that process will be more effective and much easier for you if you’ve done that preconception work or that root cause, root treatment on your overall health before you move in that direction. So I want you all to ask yourself the question of why am I not getting pregnant? And do I truly understand why? Do I feel like I have all the right answers, listen to your gut, trust your instincts, believe in yourself and in your body. And then I do think that the right answers will come to fruition and you’ll know which direction to go to.
Number three, create space in your life. Now this might sound silly or easy, but it’s neither one. Okay, often what I hear from all of you is that, well, once I have my baby, once my family grows, then I will cut back on work. Then I will stop doing X, Y, and Z, whatever that is. And until then, we just pack in more and more and more. We’re just trying to do so much. Well, I’m just going to do more work now because when I’m pregnant, I won’t be able to do it. I’m going to take on more projects now because when I’m pregnant, I won’t be able to do it. I’m going to go and travel the world and do all of these things now because I won’t be able to do it later. That’s just one perspective. And the reality is, is everything is created in space. The more that we try to constrict things, the less there’s an opportunity to grow something new.
So I want you all to take a step back, create more space, do a little bit less in your life, it’s okay to do less if your priority is to have a child. Now, it doesn’t mean putting everything on hold. It means not overwhelming your body. It says like I’m comfortable on a daily basis or a monthly or yearly basis. I’m comfortable tackling these things if I space them out right. But as soon as I add in one or two more things, I’m completely overwhelmed. I’m stressed. I don’t sleep well. I don’t feel well. I’m fatigued. Whatever that answer is for you, whatever that issue is, you know you’re doing too much at that point.
That is the time for you to say I need to do less. I need to create more space to do less in so that I can create the beautiful baby that I’m looking for. So that’s what I mean by creating space. Don’t try to constrict the process, loosen your grip on yourself, on your life, on your partner, on everything, and have more time to do less and just be. You’re going to start to feel different when you do that.
And number four, swap out your personal care products and your cleaning products, your makeup, anything that you use on a regular basis and that you’re putting onto your body or in your environment, swap it out for something cleaner. The reason I put this here is because one, it’s super important because all these excessive chemicals that you’re potentially using are endocrine disruptors, and they can affect your hormones, your cycles, your menstruation and your fertility. So we want to change those things.
The other reason why I put those in here is because they take time to change. It’s not like most people are just going to throw out everything and buy something new. That’s a big expense to take on. So these things take time. So as one thing needs to be replaced, you replace it with something better. And if you need help with that, there’s tons of resources around. But one of my favorite for that is the ewg.org, you can look up any product or most products I should say. And they’re going to give you a score and let you know what’s clean and what’s not. You can look up the product you’re using. You can also look for specific key chemicals to rule out. I’m not going to dive into those in this video, but I do have many other videos on this topic as well that you can check out as well. We’re going to put that link in the description below.
And last but not least, work on your digestive system, work on your gut health. This is so important for all of us. Yes, I put it last but it doesn’t make it any less important. Your digestive function is the key to your overall health, is the key to maintaining regular and consistent hormone balance and the key to helping you get pregnant. I’ve seen this over and over and over again, which is why so many of my topics involve diet improvement, making the right choices. Well, it’s not just about making the right choices in the foods that we eat, but that’s super important as well. It’s also recognizing that your digestive system is so important and we need to take care of it regularly. So if you’re not having regular bowel movements or you’re going too frequently, and they’re very loose, you have a lot of pain after you eat. These are signs, your body is talking to you.
I also encourage all of you if you’ve been on the hamster wheel of trying for 6 or 12 months, and you’ve been told, well, we don’t know what the cause is. Or you’ve been told that you have unexplained fertility issues, then I want to invite you to take a deeper look at your digestive system and your gut. I often find that 80% of the time, when you all tell me that you have unexplained fertility, they can’t find a cause, 80% of the time, that’s because they didn’t look in the right place and they’re not looking at your digestive system and your gut. We need to improve that. And that takes time. That doesn’t happen in a day or a week, for sure. That takes months. And it takes ongoing work once you’ve laid the foundation.
So I really do want to encourage you, if you’ve been on this process for a period of time, you’re not getting the results that you’ve been looking for, or even better yet. You’re just starting down the road of trying to have a child. Now is the time to look deeper at your digestive system and start to make changes now so that it’s easier in the future.
I want to ask you all to comment below, what did you like about this video? What do you think is going to be valuable for you on your fertility journey that you just learned in this video? I want to hear from all of you, which one of the five points that I covered comment below and let me know. And when you comment below, it allows this video to be seen by so many other couples that need the same help as you. So you’re helping all of these other couples throughout the world, which I think is truly amazing. If you know that you are struggling, if you know that you need a little bit more assistance and help, if you know you’ve got gut issues, or you need a little bit more guidance on how to clean up your health and your lifestyle to get on the fertility journey in the right direction, then I want to invite you once again, to apply for a discovery call with me and my team to see if you’re the right fit for my Hope Coaching Program.
All you have to do is use the link in the description below. Remember, this is part of my video mini series on preconception. If you haven’t watched the previous videos, go back and do so. They’re in the previous week, just released before this one, you’re going to learn a ton of useful information on the importance of preconception work and what you can start to do now to help your fertility in the future. If you liked this video, give it a thumbs up. If you’re not already a subscriber to my YouTube channel, you should be, so hit that bell to subscribe and get notified when I put out a new video for all of you. All right everyone, until the next video, stay fertile.