Using An Egg Donor: What You Need To Know To Get Pregnant with Egg Donation
If you’re watching this video, you’ve probably been trying to get pregnant for a while with no success, and you’ve decided to try using a donor egg, or you’re thinking about using a donor egg. I understand firsthand how difficult this process is and how difficult it is to make this decision. This is not anyone’s first choice when they decide to have a family. Some of the women that join my program need to use a donor egg. They’ve tried everything and have exhausted all their options.
During the 20 years I’ve been a fertility expert, I’ve seen this many, many times. They’ve joined the Hope program to make sure they are prepping their bodies for it to be as successful as possible. Well, today I’m going to address some of the most common questions when using a donor egg so I can hopefully make this difficult process a bit easier for you. And if you’re going through egg donation and would like my support, apply to qualify for the Hope program so I can be your fertility coach using the link in the description below.
So first and foremost, the first most important question and the most common question that I get asked is, is it time to move forward with an egg donor? How do I know when it’s time to move forward with an egg donor? Well, that’s a tricky question to ask, but an important question to ask because you can’t move forward with that if you don’t know if it’s the right decision right now or the right time to do it.
So first and foremost, have you tried naturally? Have you tried through IUI? Have you tried through IVF? How many times have you tried those things, and it’s been successful? And how long have you been trying? Those are important questions to ask because if you’ve checked yes to all of those things, then it might be the right time to consider a donor egg. Have you tried multiple IVF cycles and failed? It could be time to be considering using a donor egg. Have you ruled out that there’s no issues with sperm that haven’t already been addressed or with your uterine environment that hasn’t already been addressed that could be impacting your ability to get pregnant? And have you ruled out any other reasons why implantation might not be working? Maybe there’s an autoimmune issue or blood clotting factor. Have you ruled all these things out, and you’ve still haven’t had success with the cycle or been able to hold a pregnancy? It might be time at that point to use a donor egg.
So those are the sorts of questions we need to ask ourselves. Also, is there an issue with your ovaries or do you have your ovaries? Those are certainly reasons to use a donor egg. Or have you gone through chemotherapy and radiation for cancer treatment, and the quality of your eggs has been compromised or no longer a viable option for you to use? And so those are all real options in terms of using a donor egg.
Now, using a donor egg is not for everybody. Some people might say that, well, if I’m using a donor egg, I might as well consider adoption. That’s an excellent question, but I would actually go the other way. If you’re considering adoption, you should actually be considering donor egg because you have so much more control over the process. If you’re using a donor egg in terms of the health you get to carry versus somebody else carrying, you know the environment, you know what you’re doing. So I think it’s a real option if those are the situations that you’ve been in, you’ve already done some of those things and been unsuccessful, then I do really think that you should be considering using a donor egg on your fertility journey.
The other reason to consider using a donor egg is there’s potentially some genetic issues, genetic abnormalities, health issues that have been passed down to you that cannot change otherwise. So it makes sense to use a donor egg in that situation. So these are all realistic options and reasons why someone should consider using a donor egg and start that conversation.
So what would be the next step in terms of that process of donor egg? The next step to me that’s logical is that as a couple, the two of you are on the same page. You’ve sat down, you’ve decided together and individually that using a donor egg is a viable option and potentially makes sense for you. It’s not for everybody, it’s not for every couple, and I don’t want any assumptions to be made because one of you might be okay with you, but the other one may not be, and I hear this quite often as well. So I think it’s really important that each one of you sit and make a list as to why it might be good or bad. That list of pros and cons decide individually if you’re okay with it and then come together to have a conversation to make sure together the two of you are comfortable using a donor egg before you take any additional steps. That has to be part of the process, or we’re going to definitely run into some roadblocks, and there’s going to be a lot of animosity that happens.
The most important thing that needs to happen moving forward in any fertility journey is that you have a healthy relationship with your partner and that relationship is strong enough to continue beyond the struggles you’re going through and the pregnancy and family you’re going to have because you want to make sure that you stay together through all of this. So it’s really important that the two of you communicate and are on the same page in making this decision.
A really common question that also gets asked is, once someone or a couple has made the decision to use a donor egg, is, “What do we have to do to prepare our body for egg donation?” So I like to talk about this as it relates to a story.
So I was working with a couple, and they had tried for quite some time. She was a little bit older, and we were trying to utilize her eggs first and foremost. I absolutely believe everybody should do that first before they make that decision to move forward with a donor. We want to exhaust all of our options before we do that. But then she realized that either I was going to stay on the same hamster wheel, and things weren’t going to work out, or we needed to have another option. What was that other option going to be? Was it going to be adoption, or was it going to be a donor egg? And they came to terms that a donor egg was the right decision for them.
So what she decided to do is, while they were going through the process, and this was through my coaching, I made these suggestions. While she was going through the process of selecting a donor because that can take some time, she also worked on herself. The process no longer required her to focus on her ovarian health, ovarian function, and egg quality. It now was a focus on looking at her endometrium, her uterine environment, making sure that implantation was going to be successful, that her health overall was going to be ready to receive the embryo, hold the pregnancy, and have a healthy pregnancy. And so that is what we did during that time.
Choosing an egg donor, getting to that selection, and then getting to the stimulation where you can get the eggs and fertilize them and create embryos, all of that takes time, a minimum of 3 months if not longer. Actually, for her, because she had to go through multiple donors for various reasons, they just didn’t work out, which can happen. This took a year. So during that year, we were working together to prepare her body. You all do not need a year, but I do recommend at least 3 months, if not a little bit more, to make sure everything is accounted for and that you’re ready to make that process as successful as possible because it’s not an inexpensive process. And we want to make sure that you don’t have to do this multiple times. So that’s what I recommend for all of you is that you prepare your body in advance for that.
The best way to do that, I believe, is having a coach to help guide you, to walk you through it, who’s done it before, and to hold your hand through the process and say, “These are the steps that we’re going to do first, this is what’s going to come next, and this is what’s going to come last before we do a cycle. And then this is what we’re going to do during the cycle.” So I highly, highly, highly recommend that for those of you who are considering using an egg donor. It’s also not only about preparing your body physically. It’s about preparing your mind emotionally and mentally to go through it. This is not an easy decision to go through an egg donor. And we will have a lot of questions and we will have a lot of doubts, both individually and as a couple. And so we need that support as well. So I do recommend that you have a therapist to talk to individually and as a couple because that’s going to be essential.
And more specifically, a therapist who has actually gone through supporting couples through their fertility journey and hopefully couples who have gone through egg donation. I think that’s going to be really important and valuable during this time. I also think having a coach to lean on is important during that mindset support and mental and emotional support because, like in our Hope program, we have additional coaches in the program to work on mindset, to work on the emotional component, to work on supporting ourselves here as well as here so that as a unit, you are prepared and ready to go through your IVF cycle successfully with a donor egg. So it’s not just about the physical support. It’s also about emotional support and how you’re going to get it.
And then I don’t want to say last but not least, but possibly, but you might do this in a different order, so it might not be last for you, is where are you going to find your egg donor? What is the best option for that? My favorite resource is an egg donation agency called Your Eggs. I like them for many, many reasons. Number one is that they have the largest egg donation database that I know of in the world. I don’t think I’m inaccurate by saying that it has the largest database, but you know, I don’t know all the agencies in the world, but I think it is, if not the largest, one of the largest because they have a minimum of 1,500 egg donors to choose from. And they are actually approaching 2,000 in their database worldwide. So they not only have a large pool of donors to choose from, but they also have a huge variety of donors from all over the world: from Asia, from the Middle East, from Europe, from South America, from America. They’ve got donors everywhere. So if you’re looking for certain specific nuanced details, cultural background, educational background, Ivy League, they have those resources, and they have those donors in their pool, which makes it much easier to choose from. I think that’s really important when you’re choosing an agency that they have a big donor pool to pick from to make that process easier for you and give you as many options as possible.
They also have an amazing app that makes it so simple and streamlined for you. You log into the app, you can swipe left or right for those you like, those you don’t like, which is great. And it allows you to connect with the agency team directly so that they can get you the information you need as well when it comes to the donor process. And on top of it, they do have an amazing team. So they’ve become my preferred donor agency as a result of all of this. Again, the agency is called Your Eggs. I will put their link in the description below, but you can just head on over to youreaggs.com if you’ve got more questions or just want to start to peruse their database and look at their information.
So those are the big details that I think are really essential when we are looking for a donor and considering using an egg donor on our fertility journey. Now I want to hear from all of you. How many of you have started to consider using an egg donor or already in that process? And how has that process been for you? Comment below and let me know. Additionally, do you have more questions about using an egg donor? If you do, please leave those comments down below as well. As I’ve said, if you are really thinking about egg donation and want to improve your chances or you want to hear what I have to say about your case to see if I feel like egg donation is the best option for you, then head on over to marks.com Discovery call. I will leave that link in the description below as well to speak to a real person on my team so we can identify if having me as your fertility coach is the right next step for you. I also want you to check out some other videos, so make sure to check out those videos. These are the videos that I call stories of Hope, and this one specifically is about egg donation. So that you can hear a real-life story about someone we supported who did use an egg donor and was successful. You can check that out as well. So until the next video, stay fertile.