5 Tips to Conceive Easily | The Fertility Expert Explains
Hi, my name is Dr. Marc Sklar, also known as The Fertility Expert, and I’ve been working with couples for over 19 years through my online coaching programs and right here in San Diego at my clinic. And the five tips that I’m going to be talking about to you today is actually a conversation I had with one of the couples that I’m working with in my coaching program. That’s right. We covered these exact five topics, and when I went over these with them, I thought that this is going to be an amazing topic for a Fertility TV episode, which is why I’m doing that right now.
Tip number one, your friend’s story, your sister’s story, your best friend’s story, a family member’s story is not your story and doesn’t have to be. And this is something that comes up all the time when we start working with couples, is they say, “Well, my friend did this and my friend this happened. And they said when they did this that they got pregnant or they saw this number on their labs and that meant that they had to do IVF.” And those things could be true for them and they could have been successful on their path doing whatever they chose to do, but it doesn’t mean that that is going to be your path.
Now, I’m not saying that you don’t have to talk to friends about things, but I want you to take what they say judiciously. They don’t know your story, they haven’t looked at your labs, they haven’t reviewed your medical history, and they don’t know what you’ve been through. So just because they’re giving you advice doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s going to work for you, or that’s the path you need to go down.
And we all want to be there for somebody. We all want to help them achieve their goals. And so if you tell somebody that you’re having problems or struggles getting pregnant, they’re going to tell you, “Well, my friend did this and my friend went there, and my friend had this problem and they did this and they got pregnant.” And I’m not saying that those words are not true for those individuals, but it doesn’t make it the right path for you. So they’re not a fertility coach, they’re not fertility experts, and I want you to make sure that even though they’re giving you some of that feedback, that you are also critically looking at that feedback and understanding, “Does this make sense for me? Is this true for me?” And this is often the case when we start taking supplements or are going for clinics or even with procedures. “Oh, I did IVF at this office, and so you should do it there.”
So I want you all to just take that to heart, that just because you read a story, saw a story, someone told you something, doesn’t mean that if you do the same thing, that you are going to be successful down that path because your path has to be your unique path based on your history, your labs, and your results. So that’s what that needs to be based on for all of you, and I want to make sure you hear that and follow through with that because that’s really how you are going to get the results that you deserve.
Number two, everything is not egg quality. Every fertility problem is not egg quality. And I know you’ve heard me say this before, but I have to put this here because again, the couple that I was talking to, they were healthy. They’ve had a child, 39 years old, hormone levels look fine, and she was told that her issue is egg quality because of her age and that because of that she needed to do IVF.
Now, look, I say this all the time. I do not have anything against IVF. I have a lot of respect for it, and I think there’s a complete place for it, but let’s all be reasonable about our recommendations here. She’s 39. Okay, some people might say she’s on the older side, but when you look at her labs and her FSH is good and, her estradiol is good, and her AMH is good and above average, and she’s fine in many other aspects of her health and semen analysis looks good. This is not about egg quality and she has a child. So I think it’s really important that we understand that piece.
I was reminded of this exact thing today where I did speak to a couple and because of this woman’s age, she was 44, they said it’s her egg quality. They needed to do IVF. Well, again, I look at her AMH, it’s above normal for a 35-year-old. Her FSH, above normal for a 35-year-old. Estradiol, above normal for a 35-year-old, but she’s 44. It’s not her. They ignored her husband in this situation who had zero morphology, and his other parameters were maybe a little bit lower. These are reasons why we’re having struggles and everything is not always egg quality. That’s a crutch that we lean on, but it’s not always the case.
So I want to make sure that you guys understand. It could be your partner. It could be something going on inside the uterus. It could be something else. It could be a digestive issue, which we see all the time. This is how and why we evaluate couples comprehensively in the HOPE Program because we want to make sure that we understand what’s going on so that you are given a path and a plan based on your unique situation. And I know that if we approach it in that way, that you all will achieve the goals you want in the timeframe you want and in the best manner that is suitable for you as a couple based on your history.
Number three. So this one kind of ties into number one, where it’s okay to tell your family and friends that you don’t want their advice. I know they mean well, I know they’re here because they want you to be successful and get pregnant and have children, but they’re not fertility experts. They don’t know what you’re going through. They don’t know your history. They don’t know your partner’s history. They don’t know how to read your labs. So it’s okay to tell them that you don’t need their advice. And when they start, it’s okay to let them know that. To say, “Look, I appreciate and I know you’re coming from a good place, but I’m okay, I’ve got the support that I need. And should I need your support or request it, I will let you know so that you can give me your feedback. But sometimes your support doesn’t have to be telling me what I should do. Sometimes your support is just being there to listen or to give me a hug or to be someone who just can be there with me through the process if I need it.”
So there’s different ways that they can be there, but sometimes they need to be told that. And it’s okay to say that to them as long as you do it in a nice way and let them know why, and this is nothing against them and you appreciate their feedback, but you’d like a little bit of space to process it on your own, and when you are ready to talk about it, you’ll bring it up. This is a huge point because everyone just wants to talk and give you advice. So it’s a hard one to do, but I think it’s a really important one to do to help you not always talk about it, not always have to deal with it, and do things on your terms, not theirs.
Number four, if what you were doing was the right path, it would’ve worked already. And so sometimes we just need a different approach. We need a different perspective. We need a different outlook on things, and that might actually mean speaking to somebody different. You can actually develop a team of providers that work with you and for you to help you get your result. So you can have your OBGYN and your reproductive endocrinologist, and you can have your acupuncturist and your fertility coach and your nutritionist. Now, as long as they all know their path and their lane, that works fine, but it’s okay to take a different approach. It’s okay to have a team to support you as long as they all understand their path and how they need to support you during that process.
Just today, I had a reproductive endocrinologist refer someone to us who needed support on the supplement side because it’s not her specialty. And this is exactly what I mean by understanding lane, but it’s also what I mean by it’s okay to get a different perspective and take a different approach to get the results that we need. If we keep going down the same path and expect a different result, it’s not going to happen because nothing is different. Nothing has changed. So I really want to encourage you to take a step back, look at your entire health and all the different systems with new eyes and new perspective, and get the support that you need in the areas that you need it.
Number five could be potentially the most important. Set boundaries. What do I mean by that? Well, boundaries are really important. They’re really important for you because you need to know where your line is, where your comfort level is. It’s really important for others around you because they need to know where your boundaries are and where your comfort level is. So let people know. Set those boundaries, and if someone breaks them, you’ve got to hold them accountable. You’ve got to let them know. And this kind of spreads to all the four previous points that I’ve just mentioned. Talk to your partner and set boundaries of what you’re comfortable with. When it’s okay for you guys to talk about your fertility journey. When it’s not. It can’t be a constant conversation every day, every hour. That’s draining and exhausting.
Set boundaries for your friends. This is what you’re comfortable discussing. This is what you’re not. Set boundaries for yourself. How are you going to manage your day? “I’m going to exercise. I’m going to go shopping for my food. I’m going to make sure that I go to sleep on time and get the appropriate rest. I’m not going to overwork.” These are all appropriate boundaries that we all need for ourselves so that we can accomplish our goals, and this is an important goal that you want. And setting boundaries is crucial to getting there.
You can even set boundaries with your fertility doctor. Maybe they’ve overstepped and been a little too negative with you. Let them know you’re not comfortable with that. You’re not okay. This is where my line is. Set boundaries with people so that you can feel comfortable doing what you need to do to reach your goals. But the key to setting boundaries is not just setting them, it’s following through with them. So make sure you set yourself up for success with your personal boundaries by putting them into your schedule and making sure that you can follow through with them. And the way you follow through with your boundaries with others is by holding them accountable when they cross that line.
Again, not in a rude way, in a nice way, “But that’s not something I’m comfortable talking about right now. I’m not ready to talk about that right now. When I am, I’ll let you know.” Or, “I really respect your opinion and thought, and thank you so much because it shows me that you’re caring for me and you want the best for me, but I have other people that I rely on for that information.” It’s okay. It might make them feel a little uncomfortable, but they’ll get over it and they’ll respect it if it’s done the right way.
If you’ve been struggling to get pregnant for longer than you desire, which for most of us is the truth because we would rather be pregnant already and not have been trying for months on end, then my HOPE Coaching Program may be the key that opens the door and helps you conceive. Because we dive deeper, we look at the root issues to help you get pregnant, and we’re going to create a plan based on your individuality and uniqueness and your medical results and your labs and your history and where you want to go to help you get there faster. So if you want to join my HOPE Coaching Program, then use the link in the description to apply.
What did you find useful about this video? What was valuable? Which of the five points that I just mentioned, did you find the best for you and the most meaningful for you? Comment below and let me know. What questions came up while you were listening to this? I want to hear from you as well. So comment below. Let me know your questions. I’ll do the best I can to answer them.
If you liked this video, give me a thumbs up. If you’re not already a subscriber to my YouTube channel, hit that bell to subscribe and get notified when I put on another video for all of you. And until the next video, stay fertile.